When I think about my time at the College of Saint Rose, it’s easy for me to think about everything that went wrong. I don’t see the need to rehash any of that at this point in time, but those who know me know college was a bumpy ride. I don’t think my parents even know this, but there was a time where I thought an awful lot about leaving Saint Rose and transferring down to St. John’s University in Queens. It wasn’t until this weekend when I made my way up to Albany to gather with fellow Golden Knights for its closing, that I began to look at my college years in a different light.

The day started with a farewell mass at the Catholic church across the street from campus. The church was packed with alumni and faculty, as well as some of the Sisters of Saint Joseph of Carondelet, who played a major role in establishing the College. It immediately took me back to the college masses I would attend on Sunday nights. To be quite honest, Saint Rose was the place where I reconnected with my faith. Although I was raised Catholic, I wasn’t very active with the church at all. But, I went through some rough times my freshman year, and I found so much comfort in going to church. My faith has become a more important part of my life ever since, all thanks to Saint Rose.

After mass, my mom (who also went to Saint Rose) and I headed across the street to reconnect with some of her college friends. After a little mingling, and a much needed lunch after hours of traveling, we all took a victory lap around campus and went through every building we could get into. We’d stop to take each one in, and share stories about our time there. It was so weird to walk through each building and see everything fully intact, probably not to be touched for months, maybe even years for all we know. We stopped by one of the dining halls and the shelves were still filled with snacks, and the freezers were still filled with ice cream. It just felt so eerie, and I never had that feeling before walking around campus. It’s almost like the school is stuck in a time warp now.

And that’s when my sadness turned to anger towards the college officials who let things get to this point. I had a front row seat to the deterioration of Saint Rose. We all know that the pandemic threw a wrench in education around the world, and Saint Rose struggled just like many other colleges at the time. But things never returned to normal; dorms were starting to close, certain clubs lost their funding, certain beloved campus events such as semi formal and Rose Rock never came back, and to address the elephant in the room, half of the majors were cut, including the College’s most famous program: music and music education. Some of these issues arose before the pandemic, and I feel like there’s so many steps that could have been taken to save Saint Rose. Of course, none of it mattered yesterday, but at the same time, I also feel like yesterday could have been avoided.

The day concluded with a beautiful closing ceremony, in which we sang the Alma Mater, we blessed the campus, we listened to poems and stories from several alumni, and I was fine for most of it, but the moment I broke down was at the end when Joan Horgan, the director of spiritual life and the heart and soul of Saint Rose, rang a bell 11 times, one for each decade of the school’s history. This school has so much history for a small college campus. Some of New York’s best educators have called Saint Rose home. There’s a famous late night talk show host named Jimmy Fallon who once walked the grounds of Saint Rose. And now, there’s no more Saint Rose. No one else is going to be able to walk campus and call Saint Rose home anymore. Saint Rose will be nothing more than a distant memory for all of us.

As cheesy as it sounded in the advertisements, Saint Rose was truly home. However, as I said goodbye to the buildings and to some of my fellow Rosebuds, I realized that home isn’t always a place…for me, what made Saint Rose home was the people I met, the world-class education I received, the sense of belonging I felt…nothing and no one can ever take any of that away from me.

I’m thinking about the first reading from the farewell mass, which was from the book of Ecclesiastes, one I had heard before at my grandpa’s funeral. It was all about how there is a time and place for everything in this world…a time for beginnings and a time for endings. We will never know why things end when they do, or why they end the way they do. It’s all in God’s plan. And that was when I realized it was time for me to let go of Saint Rose…at least the things I didn’t like about it. I almost didn’t attend the ceremony because I was too sad, but now looking back, I feel like I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I didn’t go and say my peace. I decided to leave all the drama in the past, and tie up some loose ends with certain people I left on unclear terms with. At last, I finally found the closure I was looking for. I am ready to let go.

Goodbye Saint Rose, and thank you for all the memories. Golden Knights forever 💛🖤🌹